"Intimacy happens in moments. The mistake we make is wanting it all the time."
Nobody told me, as a little girl, that I may fall in love with someone to whom I also have moments of hating or with whom I could have ridiculous arguments with at 2am over something neither of us understands. Just to be super vulnerable... I'm a little annoyed right now with my beloved. We have been together for over 10 years and after all this time, all the tiny and large things that he does that have come to a head.
I'm slowly learning how to negotiate my needs with him- although it feels very clumsy right now. It involves adjustment, compromise, integrity, truth-telling, options, willingness, and heart-full listening.
I watch friends who I admire in this area, and there is a softness in the way they speak. Unity is their goal... not winning or being right.
I tend to isolate myself when I feel my needs aren't being met by my partner or try to "take over" with loud suggestions, detailed directions, and rigid ideas. I don't like this side of me and I am learning to soften it, to have more compassion for it. But it is there none the less.
We (hubs and I) are learning to ask for "do overs." As we learn to navigate these intimate conversations I sometimes experience a panic or even a terror that arises in my belly: Am I doing this right? Am I being fair? Am I meeting HIS needs? Is he meeting MINE? I strive to express myself, while maintaining appropriate emotional boundaries. It's hard!
Actor Sharon Stone said once, "Give me a thousand men in the audience, and me on the stage and I know exactly what to do. Give me just one man and me on a couch together, and I'm really scared."
So, if Sharon Stone struggles with this I assume I'm not the only one to experience emotional storms. Lately (10 months postpartum!) they pass through frequently and quickly. I find that I resist angry feelings as soon as I feel them rise up. Then they either get stuck (hoarded for a later attack) or projectile vomited all over the place.
I envy people who seem to communicate with ease- less out of their heads and more from their hearts. If you are one of these people... How do you do it?!
Women (and mamas especially- I'm a little biased) deserve rich, emotional, intimate lives. We also need to understand ourselves intimately before we can let go of romantic expectations of the other. I'm in the process of embracing new, tender, intimate moments that appear in ways I never imagined. Vulnerability is the way sisters!
Care to be a little vulnerable yourself and share how you experience intimacy? Please do (in the comments below or on our FaceBook page.)