Self-love actually comes quite easily to me these days, but that wasn't always the case.
Recently, a photo came up in my Facebook feed reminding me of a day, 6 years ago. I was brand new to motherhood and having a really hard time. In fact, I was miserable. Out of my mind in my loneliness and anxiety.
Despite having everything I had ever wanted: a beautiful, healthy baby, a husband who adored me, and a home in a neighborhood of my dreams I just couldn't deal. I couldn't deal with my thoughts about not being good enough. Deal with being the sole caretaker of this divine little being. Deal with the heartache of loosing my life prior to motherhood. Deal with my crazy hormones. Deal.... with.... life.
Here is what saved me...
I'd reached my breaking point. I was more depressed than I had ever been before. I remember it well. I just couldn't take it anymore. I was done with feeling like I had the world on my shoulders and no one to offer a helping hand. Done with all of the motherly sacrifice. The misery, the pain, the angst, the being me.
I was sick of it, done. Done. Done. Done. And in that desperation, I climbed out of bed, staggered over to my crying baby. And as I nursed her for the 10th time that night I thought to myself: "This day, I vow to myself to love myself, to treat myself as someone I love truly and deeply -in my thoughts, my actions, the choices I make, the experiences I have, each moment I am conscious, I make the decision to LOVE MYSELF."
The intensity of what this new thought pattern meant for my life felt both heavy and as though a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
Prior to this moment, I'd been mostly disgusted with myself when it came to motherhood -I could love my baby and give her everything she needed, but what about me?
From now on, I would focus much more awareness on this thought. How to love myself. At first, I literally did not know. All I knew was that I'd made a vow -something far greater than a commitment, bigger than any wish. A vow. I was going all in or destroy myself trying. There was no middle ground.
Have you ever made such a vow to yourself?
So, beautiful mama, if you are struggling with something, if you desire more support, sisterhood, or self-care, if you just want someone to talk to who isn't going to try to FIX you- you are not alone! My struggles are what compelled me to create Mom-ME Circle. It is the place I wish I had had when going through my darkest moments.
If you would like to connect with me to see if an upcoming circle is the right fit for you please respond reach out to me.
I'm here for you, mama!