Do you every feel like a bad mom? If the answer is a resounding "YYYYYYEEESS!!" you are not alone, my friend. So do I.
Believe it or not, there are things you can do to remember that you are the best mom you can possible me.
Yes! And I'll tell you how...
1) Clear Limiting Beliefs
This is one of the steps in my 4 part ICAN method. You can learn more about it here...
The first step in clearing a belief is to identify what you’re telling yourself. Self-talk is a powerful tool that can be used to create a positive or negative reality. If the script running through your head all day long is that you aren't good enough or that you should be different than you are, you are bound to feel bad about your mothering skills. You can shift this internal dialogue by listening to your self-talk.
What are you telling yourself throughout the day? Notice your thoughts and how they make you feel. For instance, you might find that you tell yourself, “I lost my cool and shouted at my two year old, I'm a terrible mom.” Saying this makes you feel even worse about raising your voice.
2. Call a trusted friend or family member and ask them to just listen to you express your feelings.
When you find yourself caught up in negative thoughts about your mothering abilities, reach out to a loved one like a sister or best friend. Preface the conversation by telling them that you don't need them to fix you, you just want to be witnessed.
Say, “Oh, Julie, I feel horrible. I’ve been so tired. I haven’t had any energy to play with the kids. They’re been binging on cartoons. I feel like I'm the worst mom EVER”
You may be surprised to find that just saying your feelings out loud allows you to see how untrue they really are. This reminds me of the bumper sticker that says, "You can't believe everything you think."
3. Stop comparing yourself to other moms.
Every mom, at some point, feels like she's not doing a good enough job. That’s right, even those moms who seem to have it all together have bad days. So, dear mama, I beg you to give yourself a break and comparing your insides to other mothers outsides. If you’re always caught up in what your friend or sister does for her kids, you will continue to feel worthless.
Why? Because you actually have no idea what her life is like. When you meet other moms at events or see snapshots of their lives on facebook, you aren’t seeing the ugly parts. They aren’t putting their bad days on display. (At least not most of them.)
When you find yourself wanting to compare,say to yourself, “Just because I don’t see her bad days, it doesn’t mean they don’t happen.”
Consider having a media free day once a week and notice if it helps with your experience of compare and despair.
Don't get involved with a moms group that doesn't feel like a good fit and holds you to higher expectations than you can maintain. Instead, look for a more suitable group. If you haven't joined the Mom-ME Circle FB group you can do so here.